On How Yogi Baksheesh Acquired His Name

Mimosa O'Toole, seated in front of her old ThinkPad, yawned as she realized there was nothing more to transcribe. She logged onto kexp.org and began sipping from the oversized mug of espresso on the tray table to her left. Opening up her teacher's autobiography at the beginning, waves of desire washed over her as she read for perhaps the thousandth time: "Becoming an Enlightened Master was so blissfully easy that for the first couple of weeks I actually half-doubted I had become one. Here's how it happened: Marie-Louise picked me up while I was having country sausage for lunch at au Babylone and took me back to her six room flat on rue de Varennes, just up the street from where Edith Wharton used to live. After a couple of glasses of Calvados she fucked my brains out in all sorts of imaginative ways for the remainder of the afternoon and evening. As the sun was just about to come up she whispered a mantra in my ear and made me repeat it 108 times. Afterwards, laughing mirthfully, she announced: 'Voila! You are now Yogi Baksheesh, Spiritual Advisor to the Exceptionally Evolved.' And so I was." Closing the book, Mimosa recalled the words Yogi Baksheesh said to her as she was leaving his studio two nights ago: "When I was twelve, my grandfather Friedrich, an astrophysicist, who was on his deathbed, said to me: 'We change universes far more often than a reasonably hygienic person changes underwear. The problem, if indeed it is such, is that very few of us have even the faintest notion, except perhaps in dreams, that this is occurring.'"  Well, Mimosa reminded herself, speaking out loud one of the transcriptions from yesterday morning’s meditation session: “This life is just one of Y-1 variant traversals of N plus-or-minus X dimensional space.” She concluded silently: “And now it’s time to go to the gym.”